Executive Order Against Federal Workers

Jun 12, 2018 by

Federal workers will soon be required to clock out when taking a toilet break and then clock back in upon returning to their duty stations to comply with a recent presidential executive order aimed to curb employee indolence and ingratitude. For protracted trips to the throne attributable to digestive delays or the runs (giving a new meaning to “running out the clock”), the boss will have the option to dock the worker an hour’s pay for every documented extra flush to offset the cost of sewage treatment.
 
The above is a logical projection of where we’re headed. The President’s assault on federal employees and their unions should upset all fair-minded Americans, yet judging from the scant news coverage and absence of debate, the impression it has registered on even its most directly affected victims is as deep as the indentation on a pillow left by the head of a hamster.
 
According to Talking Polnts Memo, senior administration officials notified reporters of the following effects the executive order is calculated to have:
  • Shorten the length of time federal workers have to improve their performance after receiving a bad review, from 120 days to just 30.
  • Encourage federal agencies to terminate poor performers rather than suspending them.
  • Direct federal agencies to renegotiate their union contracts, and make those contracts  publicly available online “so American people can see them.”
  • Encouraging agencies to conclude labor negotiations in less than a year.
  • Severely restrict the use of federal worker unions’ “official time” — which elected shop stewards currently use to mediate workplace grievances. Going forward, federal workers can spend no more that 25 percent of their time on union or other non-agency business.
  • Charge unions rent for the use of federal office space for that “official time” work.
Jacques Simon, political director of American Federation of Government Employees (AFGE)  cautioned that federal workers will be vulnerable to employment decisions related to them being based upon politics and their loyalty to the party line. Quoted in Talking Points Memo, Simon notes that “agencies are run by political appointees, and…anybody is at risk who is questioning the administration’s denial of climate change, or the health benefits of a particular drug…Do you want scientists at the EPA who are providing objective data and information about the air we breathe or do we want political hacks?…If you’re not cooperating with a political agenda, you’re out the door.”
 
It’s been less than two months since the Office of Personnel Management promised to obliterate what it regards as the disease of civil service by the weapons of “reform” at its unilateral disposal. President Trump’s executive order is the latest detonation.
 
Rush to the bathroom and barf while you still can on company time!
 
Ron Isaac
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